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Budweiser Ads Inspire Drunk Men to Buy Clydesdale, Nation’s Daughters Thrilled
CHICAGO, IL – The day after Super Bowl Sunday has come to mark a national holiday for little girls across the country as tens of thousands of drunk fathers rush to buy the Clydesdale horses that...
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Pope Francis I: “New Church Album Will Rock”
A shirtless Pope Francis, on tour supporting his album White Smoke Rising. VATICAN — The recently elected Pope Francis I announced that the Catholic Church’s forthcoming album will have “more of a New...
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Professor Admits He Sort of Winged the Final
Added Buckley, “Fuck this.” EVANSTON — Northwestern Astronomy associate lecturer Allen Buckley revealed to a group of TAs that he made up most of the information on this quarter’s Modern Cosmology...
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Sherman Ave Histories: The Lakefill
The Lakefill is an important part of Northwestern life. That’s why we have decided to bring you the unabridged and completely factually accurate 53-second history of it. Enjoy! What is this, a fucking...
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University of Illinois Professor Slightly Frustrated Upon Finding Poop In His...
Chief Illiniwek, taking a huge dump maybe. In an open letter to the University of Illinois, Associate Professor Ben Mallock said he is getting a tad fed up after students have been repeatedly breaking...
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Baryshnikov Completes Enough Credits to Earn Honorary Degree
Baryshnikov would neither confirm nor deny that he also teaches Russian Lit. EVANSTON– As of Monday, Mikhail Baryshnikov has successfully passed his courses, allowing him to complete an honorary degree...
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WTF: Britney Spears Kisses Madonna at VMAs?!
And I didn’t give a shit when that happened.
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Freshman Thrilled to see Hail for First Time
Wyn, prior to delving into the more intricate details of obtaining a medical marijuana license. EVANSTON–An urgent 1845 Hinman suite conversation about where to find alcohol was derailed last Wednesday...
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Sherman Ave Histories: Norris Student Center
Check out our histories of The Lakefill and Harris Hall!
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How to Build Your Resumé with Awkward Comments from Your Relatives
We’re just a few short weeks away from the beginning of internship application season, or if you’re not in school, “another week of trying to get employed” season. Writing a resumé is a surefire way to...
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